The past few days I have found myself in a most precarious position. Thus, I find myself awake and sleepless at 3:00 in the morning plagued with the hauntings of my mind over the situation. You would think I would have learned by now that people do not always live up to expectations. But I think the "Pollyanna" in me, is still surprised when people do not behave well.
But herein lies the bitter irony, although someone has behaved less than desirable; manipulative; and has proceeded in a manner with total disregard to my input, thoughts or feelings; I can not lower myself to act in kind. Yes, I would love to get in their face and punch them with a rampage of sentiment which would totally be in line with their infractions. Believe you me I have played these conversations over and over again in my mind. However, I can not. Because when everything is said and done, I must live with my actions. Therefore, I choose to proceed with actions which are above reproach.
Now let me make one thing perfectly clear. This does not mean I do not stand up for myself. This does not mean that I don't speak my mind. Trust me I have no problem with this. What I do struggle with is how much I want to punch them with insult, but instead choose to articulate my position with intellect and grace. I think the punching would feel better in the short term, but know to handle it with grace helps me to live with a more clear conscience. Of course at 3:00 in the morning, it is difficult to take solace to this approach.
To the individuals who have procured your position within this posting, I will approach you with integrity and grace. However, do know that like an elephant I don't forget. For every action there is a reaction. I do believe that in time you will feel the consequences of your choices and behaviors. As for me, you will receive nothing less than my benevolence.
I'm not sure that this will be read or even understood. I do know how therapeutic for me it is to deliberate upon the written word; to place the rantings of my mind upon paper helps me to process. The opportunity to put into words the thoughts and feelings is calming. Perhaps I might even find my way back to bed and find sleep tonight after all. One can hope! =D
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2 comments:
Thanks for sharing this. Times like this are very difficult, but Jesus' strength and love gives us the grace to act, not in kind, but with His love. Through Him we have the power to turn the other cheek, walk the extra mile and even love our enemies. He did! If He didn't, we wouldn't be His. But instead, He became one of His enemies and walked in our shoes, so He could sacrifice Himself for us.
Hang in there. There is One who knows your pain, and will walk with you every step of the way.
My friend thank you. These words were more encouraging than you will ever know!
Thank you!
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